;finding my away across this land

I don't trust myself. It is so ridiculous really, that I find this out because I won't let myself loosen up for improv. Hahahha, I will run up bills at a therapist's office because I won't take my scene partners initiation and run with it. I censor myself and then I shrug off my responses like...."well, this is what I wanted to offer to you in a scene, but i'll end it in a jokey voice so that if you don't find it worthy...you can just ignore me." ITS SO BADDDD.

So this is my post to tell all of you to just, BE BALLSY (in life, class, writing, etc). Seriously, that's what I'm going to try to do in class tonight. It's my last improv class of the year, it went by really quickly. My teacher called me out on my little self-esteem problem. He was telling me that even if I had the best line in the world...my confidence could be read like a book..and that the audience knew you weren't really into it..and checking out. Its a lot harder than it looks. It is not anything like Whose Line Is It Anyway.....that's short form, but whenever I tell people I take improv classes, they automatically get really excited about Drew Carey. I heard he sucks on the Price is Right. I mean, that is just what I've heard.

I'm procrastinating on writing this paper...that was due a couple of weeks ago. I HATE THIS SEMESTER. I have yet to get my shit together. I just can't believe that it is senior year and that its happening. I'm going to graduate in a couple of months......to realize that I don't want to do anything corporate....at least not my first year out. I want to travel, take photographs, make more friends(!!). I'm seriously the most anti-social hermit lately.....one of my best friends is a 2 year old whom I babysit. I get paid in friendship. Ha, no, I get paid in benjamins.

I'm going to Colombia in December. I'm staying there until school starts up again. I need a break from the city. I haven't been back to Ohio since March 07. I haven't seen my mom since May 07. I haven't had a california roll since 4:07 pm, today.

My heart is really nervous lately. It starts beating really fast and then I catch my breath wondering what is wrong. I saw Mary Poppins on Broadway, yesterday. It was my first Broadway show and it's kind of silly that it happens during a stagehand strike. Everyone is striking now days. I want to strike, too. Strike for a more fulfilling life. Strike for not accepting mediocore nights. Strike that if ABC doesn't negociate soon, I won't have an episode of Lost till 2009.

Maybe this TV strike will be a positive thing. Maybe I'll go out and actually make connections with humans.

I'm sorry I haven't updated or read your lives. I promise to restart my commenting spree soon. I do want to start writing again because I miss it. There have been a lot of changes to my routine that I'm amazed that I haven't collapsed and returned to what I know is normal. I have a full-time job, I go to school (barely) full-time (only 4 classes), an improv class on the side (which is amazing), AND i'm going start being all culture/new york-like and go see performances on Sundays!
My venture into culture is actually one of the classes that I am taking but I'm so glad that I was proactive about it. I've always wanted to make time to see the oprea or go to a broadway show (which I have yet to do, you can criticize me later) but I was one of those people that needed someone to go with. I have slowly been shedding that and am doing more things by myself -- just because I want to do it. I figure that is good enough reason. So I just got the email and I am seeing the American Ballet Theater at City Center on Sunday. I just felt all grown up about it--and its going to be awesome. It is the first meeting of this class so I hope it goes alright.

You know that episode of the Office (Email Surveilence) when Michael goes to his improv class and he always has the character that is a secret agent? My intro to improv class is a lot like that--except that instead of guns we have a kid who is really into weed and drugs and another kid that turns everything extremely sexual. The rest of us are just trying to go through the rules and try to implement them and we usually fail but when you do something right its like the greatest high of all time. I'm kind of pissed at myself for waiting so long to do it, but I didn't really have the money nor the time--so I'm glad I was able to at least set this apart for myself.

School is going ....I think you guys know my views on school. I just don't mesh well with academia, and although I do all my work, I'm only truly happy at my internships or working. I'm working as a nanny in brooklyn heights and I love it. I honestly feel like I'm 5 years old sometimes, so hanging out with a 2 year old every morning isn't a big stretch for me. I'm going to miss her a lot when I have to take up a new internship in the spring. I can't believe how fast everything is moving. Anyway, I wanted to give you an update, oh livejournal. I will see you tomorrow.

hello internet friends,

i've lived in my first new york apartment for an entire week now, and i'm still alive. It's quite interesting really how fast it all came together and now adding school in to the mix -- how chaotic it really is going to get. I was probably the one who was least prepared for the apartment and the one with the biggest room. It looks so vast like an unexplored planet, but I hope to get some furniture in there before the party.

the selling point for my bff/roommate kim on getting this apartment was that we'd be able to have a party in the first couple of weeks. sh'es just one of those girls who was just born to play a host.
--------------------------------
this was saved by livejournal back in september.

I was just writing in because my dad said, "No Way, Jose." Then I said, "Who are you, Michelle Tanner."

It was great.

Everytime my Dad starts to eat, he starts to choke/cough. It is like he is so excited to be able to sit down and enjoy his meal that he scarfs it down and it goes down the wrong pipe. I used to yell at him, but now I just stare in beamusement.

I've noticed lately that my wardrobe sucks and entails mostly of sweatpants. I would go shopping but the only things that catch my attention are all the colored leggings at Target. This season has a lot of high-waistedness, and it really sucks for us short people. I wonder how it feels for all those late 30-somethings who are seeing the 80s come back. I think it must be scary but personally, I'm looking forward to when plaid/flannel makes its comeback as the main fabric. [whats up early 90s]

I've been watching My So Called Life and it is a wonderfully written/acted show. The fascination with Jared Leto is finally explained. I was probably watching spanish soap-opreas when this was on the air, and to me that is funny.



This weekend, I'm going to a Mets game with my cousin. I don't personally have anything against the METS, i just don't follow them. I hear their stadium is really clean. That's all I got. Oh and they have that cute David Wright on their team, which proves that for me, its not really about the sport of baseball. It's about the average performing players with the tight white pants.

1 week till I move in to my apartment. Ahhhh so exciting.

Two months have passed since my last entry. I've gained three more stamps in my passport and that makes me happy. I have made long lasting relationships with my family who I did not think I would love as much as I do in such a short period of time. I gained sisters, brothers, and best friends but most of all..I gained a sense of self. It sounds so cheesy, so I'm just going to leave it at that.

I arrived in New York almost two weeks ago. Since then, I have signed a lease for my first grown up apartment. Now I have to find a job to pay for said apartment but I'm just excited to be living with my two best friends. They are taking care of the entire color-scheme/decorating thing because I don't really have that strength, although I have been looking at magazines that deal with remodeling and trends like that. I'm excited to have my own room for the first time since high school. I can't believe I'm a senior in college...seriously. Where did all the time go? How did I not get involved at all? Ha ha ha, oh well.

For now I'm just going to enjoy the carefree spirit of the summer because starting in 3 weeks life is going to get busy again. I'm just going to cherish this for a bit longer.

oh fuck, i forgot everything that i wanted to update with so i'll just ramble until something of importance pops up. Wednesday is my last full day in the United States. Its funny calling our country "the States." It kind of reminds me of "the Hills", the producers of that show automatically want you to assume that the only hills important enough to go on noun alone is the Hollywood ones. A person from Cincinnati or Rome could mistake it for their town (since its surrounded by 7 hills. ) Okay, TMI.



i completely suck at packing but to make things more exciting at my casa, I bought these really cool bags that you might have seen on an infomercial late at night. they are called SPACE BAGS and they make you feel like an astronaut. I didn't get the ones that use the vacuum but these ones are made for your luggage and you have to roll the air out...it kind of gets old actually..but i give it 3 stars!

I applied for an NYCTV internship last night out of the blue. My dad cancelled the cable in my house mostly because he wasn't watching it and it was a way to get attention that no one really pays any bills here other than my dad. Anyway, NYCTV is part of the basic cable that one gets through an antenna and they had this entire show on my old fabulous neighborhood BK Heights, and I learned so much. It was great and then I went to the website and applied. If that internship doesn't end up working out I was thinking I could get a regular job because all the classes I'm taking next semester are either online or after 5PM.

I'm worried on how I'm going to pay my rent next year (or I should really say in September). Worrying is my Olympic sport. I think I would definitely get a gold medal and the silver medal...just because I am so good at it. Anyway, I guess I'll let you know how this whole apartment thing ends up working out...and how I figure to pay for it all.

I wish I was a better friend because sometimes I get so caught up in my own thing I don't really end up knowing how others are. Then once you've begun to drift from somebody its so easy to just let it go...and remain BAFs (Best Aquaintances Forever). Yeah, I just made that term up right now. I retell myself secrets from people I've lost contact with because even though we're no longer friends....I'm really not going to go out and air their dirty laundry..but its fun to laugh among oneself and do it.

So yeah, I guess I pretty much wrote a lot. Too bad I decided not to write that paper. Fuck it, I'm going to enjoy my summer and just take my shitty B. I have a goal for 2008: to stop cursing. I feel that it is really unattractive... but we'll see. Whatevs.

Hi. It's been a long time but like I always say, I want to make writing a major part of my life so I thought I would get the fingers some excerise on the keyboard.

A week ago I was walking out of the JFK Airport dazed but sure that I had just had the best time of my life. I still feel that way today and everytime I travel I feel that I change somehow. I'm a strong advocate of travel -- it leads to self-reflection, leaps of faith, stepping out of the destined comfort zone.

I went to southern Peru for 10 days with my history class and performed civic engagements throughout the small towns of Cusco. I was also lucky enough to go to Machu Picchu which kicked my ass and took my breath away by its beauty and altitude.

There was 7 students in total who went on the trip. All of our personalities meshed so well and we all decided to be open with each other and everyone just rallied for one another. Alyssa, one of my friends on the trip who had taken several other travel courses says that it bonding is inevitable. She had a point and I'm lucky that I was able to share that experience with those people.

I can't believe another school year is over. For a while last year, I wasn't sure if I was going to make it back to school. I simply just felt that it wasn't for me, I literally have to force myself to go to class--I'd rather just show up at my internship and start working. I did pretty well this semester A, A-,A-,B, B which equals a 3.48. Not that shabby, but I couldve done better but you get what you give. (Hey, I just quoted the New Radicals.)

There was this show they kept giving on this European/Latin American MTV channel called Bust A Move....its apparantly set in England and its about the best show I've ever seen in my life becuase it is freaking ridiculous. Anyway, I tried looking up some clips on youtube to no avail...but if you live in a part of the world where they show this...cherish it! hahha.

This week has really just had me partly bed-ridden since I've contracted some sort of allergy/leaky nose virus. I like being spoiled but it seems that while I'm slightly getting better..my dad has grown sick. So I guess its going to be up to me to take care of Dad.

I leave for my solo adventure to Colombia in 8 days. Super ridiculous, I tell you.

i have to get myself in that writing mood, the one where your mind just shuts off and your finger just type out the perfect words. i never get quite there but i find it good to warm up. i love this with my eyes closed, feet up listening to Owen, because he is the only person i can hear sing and still get some work done. i don't care for punctuation, can you deal with that? i do it every once in a while, especially now that i'm conscious of it. hahaha i just make myself laugh, without really laughing outlood. i am forgetting what my handwriting looks like...oh you mean it doesn't look like arial point 10? no it actually does not. i love looking at post secret and knowing that i do not know these people, but wishing i did, just to know there is someone just as meessed up as i am. interputted by the cell phone. i should just shut it off, seriously. i hate our advancements in techonlogy sometimes, but that means i would hate my computer right now or the television that is to my right. such a life we live. i went to the tribeca film festival, and it was really nice. watching these documentary shorts and how people just have these stoires to tell, and then they get to share them witih an audience, its like letting someone into your head. i think thats why i like writing so much, from my thoughts to your screen. to bad i can't really express myself as i wish i could, i just don't think the words i can come up with do it justice. it doesn't. today i saw a show called "the birthday party" by harold pinter. i think i'm going to buy some of his plays, they were so wonderfully performed i wonder if reading them i'll get such a reaction. i am in awe of actors, so much that i think i would like to do what they do, but i'm not geared that way. i know i don't have that gift but one always wants what they don't have. so far now i will keep on idly wanting it ... but i'll surely never be foolish enough to persue it. i actually don't do that much....
-cell phone again- my flow has been interupted, i do this to mostly empty out my mind but my mind and technologies keep bringing me back. i just wish i could chuck it out the window with the freaking pigeons. hahah, they have done nothing wrong yet they are the hated birds of the community. the outcast and the majority. i don't know how that exactly worked out for them but i feel like i'm a pigeon. i'm just like everybody else who wants to be different and make an impact...somehow..to someone. oh its so pathetic honestly. i just wish that ...honestly i don't even know what i wish for, i'm just so over things already. i am getting to this point of passive agressivenes that if you tell me something, i'll believe it and probably not even care if it conflicts with everthing i grew up believing. that is where the real crime is. i don't even remember who i used to be 2 or 3 years ago. that is a foreign entity, i know that i lived through it i just don't remember anything of that time. i'm like suffering from short time amnesia..actually...i don't really keep time as well as other peopel...it just feels as if i've always been at college and i've always just have had this feeling over my head. i can't quite explain it, but its it feels like a pang of guilt..probably because of how much i have and how much i squander away. i have been given such a lovely opportunity to come learn and work in new york city and most of the time i dread even leaving my room. i just can't deal with it. i can't deal with the outside pressures on my life.. i just feel like i'm expected to do more than i will ever be willing or actually accomplish. this should disappoint me but i'm so used to never really acheiving things.right away. i'm always a late bloomer in everything. i don't really have any hobbies or interests that other people haven't had first. i think that i'm just like..well.. I guess that could be hobby if all the people around me are doing it too. i just have been feeling lately that i'm a more a mash-up of my environment than an actual person. i have taken little pieces of everyone i known and just made a person who has the interest of all those around her. i just want to know what i would like. i don't like anything enough to give my all too. that is the sad part. that is the key to the puzzle. why am i studying this if it eventually will end too. i don't know why this is turning so confusing. i don't even know what i am saying. there is not one coherent thought in my brain to really understand what is going on. no eloquent soliloquy where at the end of my speach i find a resoultion. i think all my life i've just been looking for that resoulution to come..or someone just to tell me what to do, how to do it, and i will show up. i will do a good job but as long as i don't have to pick what that is, as long as i don't have a say in it....i can do it. once my thoughts, feeling, judgements, beliefs come into what i want to do...it feels as if there is too much on the line..to much of myself to actually fail. i want to fail, honestly. i want to fail so that people then just stop expecting shit from me. i guess i just want to live without the expectaitons of my family, my friends, my coworkers, on me. i hate it when people say, I know you can do this. ...well just because i get things done doesn't mean i can do them. its because i had to nearly kill myself, put myself on the ledge to get it done..but i do it so as to not offend their image or thought of me. sometimes I just want to yell LEAVE ME ALONe to people who care about me the most because of their constant meddling i feel like i have to achieve something great when i'll be nothing above mediocore. self fulling profecy? no, because i will end up doing something great because i was pushed to it..but not because i was capable of it. i don't know. i live in an alternative reality most of the time in my head..or when i'm alone. the characters in my head and their imaginary lives are so much more interesting than the mundane life i live in a cubicle 4 days a week. i wish others could see that tiny world i have in my head. the sun has gone away, i had my eyes closed and it became darker and the sun had left. the breeze has stopped. my eyes are tired and i shall stop as well.

Sometimes I just wonder what is the point of life? I don't want to work at a crappy entry-level job if I'm not going to love it. Today we were talking about Marxism and ideologies and it just really got me down. Also, they closed down the branch of my internship and my bosses are out of a job. No warning, or anything. It was awful because they had no idea. It was the internship where i get paid as well, so there go my steady paychecks. Oh well--I was finishing it up next week anyway, but its so sad.

I have a 10 page paper on my plate... plus a journalism profile on anyone I find interesting enough to interview and I can't seem to get my shit together to do it. It's so awful because I could really care less and I know that in one week this will all be behind me--but it doesn't make it any easier to start.

Articulation isn't really a strong suit of mine. Whenever I try to explain what is going on in my head it always come out jumbled and not as profound as I thought it was. Ha, it makes me laugh.

I hope you are having a good week. I just want it to be summer.

and I hope you realized that I meant the rehab facility (specifically the one Lindsey Lohan was in). It's a nice outpatient program where I'm left alone in my room yet sometimes we go out to meetings known as dinner time.

I honestly do unwind more in Ohio than when I go to New Jersey. In New Jersey, its just an adjunct to the New York lifestyle--but here--it is if time has stopped and people don't worry as much. It's quite nice for a while and then I start missing the hustle and bustle. I sometimes wonder if I can readjust here but I forget that I have already tried and it didn't go so well.

I need to find a way to make more money but unfortunately all of my workable hours are being used by low wages or experience only internships. I only have 6 weeks to go until school is offically over and I'm freaking estatic. I think out of all my friends, I hate school the most. It just doesn't make any sense to me really. I'll finish it out because thats what is expected but I really would rather just start working.

Anyway, this is a pretty down entry. I got a B+ on my first journalism draft...that's semi good...I mean, I did take the course for 3 years in high school but I was never that good.

I wish I were on a booze cruise right now. hahah really.

while my friends go on exotic locales for spring break such as berlin (really, i had no clue. i guess we don't speak much erika. i miss u baby) and new orleans -- I just booked my ticket to OH-IO. I don't know why I do the things I do, Ohio...seriously? I guess it was the cheapest option for me...but it doesn't beat my spring break to London last year. Oh well, can't go europe all the damn time...or could i?

i had to miss out on my internship last week. i'm also skipping for spring break, and maybe opening day in April. i'm sure they'll hate me but i sit in a huge office by myself so they can just suck it. public relations is in no way glamourous. it sucks and it literally is cutting out mentions on the paper and scanning them in. i'm glad i did the internship because now i know that i would completely die of boredom and unsatisfaction. My other internship in medical news isn't much different but at least I feel useful...oh and I also get paid. I love that. I really do, you have no idea. I guess you do.

i miss photography.....so damn much. i have this crappy point&shoot camera and everything about me feels like a fake. i miss the dark room and my eyes getting adjusted to the dim light.

i play bingo every week hoping to win the jackpot so that i can buy whatever the hell i want. i'm also really mad that i didn't win the Mega Millions..... I honestly thought I had a chance.

the baseball season is just around the corner and i can't wait.
xo

It is weird what you will do for a piece of paper. Perhaps be in line for 10 hours while freezing your entire body is one of them, who knows. All I can say is that my weekend was different than yours. Seeing SNL behind the scenes I saw that maybe this is would be a job that I would enjoy no matter how shitty the pay was. I'm so concerned with how much I will be making my first year that it is ridiculous. 30-35k is probably the maximum for 1-2 years and that is going to hurt but .... at least i'm making my own money.

Anyway, I'm not doing a summer internship mainly because I'll be living in Colombia for 8 to 9 weeks. Time to live it up in a third world country...whose with me? I think it will be an amazing experience and I'm really looking forward to it. Meeting family members I didn't know I had..or haven't seen for 15 years. I mean that is utterly ridiculous.

I also just need a change of pace. I want to appreciate that I live in New York rather than seeing it as a nusance at times. Yes the MTA sucks on the weekends, yes we have a problem cleaning up the streets when it snows..but its still New York. Sometimes it even takes my breath away. I'm so cheesy.

This is my South America year. In 91 days I will be in Peru. Oh my god, I love life.

Is the only president with a birthday this weekend Abraham Lincoln? I don''t really understand why we get Monday off but I'm not complaining. I get to go to Atlantic City to gamble my money away. I just really want to have a fun time and I have to pace myself because I'm going to be there for 6 hours!!! ridiculous.

I guess this was the only thing I wanted to do for actually turning 21, everything else the glimmer and shine went away from it.

I was going to apply to do an alternative spring break with my school to New Orleans but they changed the rules on everybody. It completely isn't fair anymore although other people may now think so. I don't know if i'll apply, i have to think about it.

I don't know whether to do a summer internship this summer. I'm kind of tired of them unless it was with Conan O'Brien and then it still wouldn't be paid. I don't know what to do, honestly. What I do know is that I will be living in New York this summer, at least I'm 90% sure while going to New Jersey every weekend to go swimmming!!! Yeah, I love the ocean just not the one in Coney Island.

Well, I blog at like 4 different places so I'll see you around the internets.

In 2006, I only wrote 60 entries. That is kind of sad because a lot happened that I felt like I could have written a lot more but that is one of my new goals. How are things going for you guys so far? Are the resolutions still being kept? I haven't really failed at my resolutions mostly on a technicality that i didn't set any (and also, i tend to call them goals now...:).

i am not ready for the beginning of this semster at all. i need to find a class pronto, because i need to take either 17/18 credits this semester if i wish to graduate on time...which i probably wont. anyway, i'm at new internship, its on park avenue so i felt kind of ritzy walking in, but its your standard non-paying gig with possible perks...so wahooo for first day funnns.

i am really excited about this semester, i hope to kick ass but i usually lose steam around week 4. its sad really. i don't go to concerts anymore, i just watch a lot of TV. it makes me sad, but at the same time, TV has rocked lately.

I guess I'll have more to talk about when my classes start, but for now..i'm going to pretend i'm actually doing some work.

p.s. I am really excited American Idol is back on the airways. So far, my favorite is the Indian brother who sang Stevie Wonder, he was so cute and had a really good voice. I only watch American Idol until the auditions are over..and then when its like the top 5. So yeah....cool.

I finished all my finals last wednesday, but I still have my tv production job to do and a 2 night babysitting stint. Oh man, when will I learn to say NO? I also kind of agreed to work the month of January but....its not fair because when I did, I wasn't aware of what the job entailed. I feel as if I can't quit because my current employer and my intership starting on the day I am supossed to get back from break are intertwined. One of the many pitfalls of networking.

Christmas is here in 6 days, and I still need to buy presents but my life is too busy to even get anything. WAHOOO :)

p.s. i bought a playstation 2 but its in kimmy/karis/maggie's room and kim doesn't get here until tomorrow. i miss sonic the hedge hog with all my heart...more than i miss my cousins from rhode island! I never knew I could feel this way about an animal, but I do! I feel.

one my best friends got engaged this weekend, its so weird because we already knew she was engaged..but now it was official with rings and parents actually knowing. its just so weird because we're all just 20. anyway, i'm really happy for maggie and jesse. (I just want to go to the wedding!!!!)

+I really want a playstation so that I can play DDR and Karaoke Revolution.
+I really want an apartment because I'm sleeping over my friends alyssa's and its amazing and i love it..and i want it.
+I have about 5 papers to write in the next two weeks and then I can relax. I want to do it all this weekend, but that's not going to happen. It would be amazing if it did happen though. huzzah.
+Best buy didn't fix my camera, so now I hate Best Buy and I also hate Nikon. I'm going to get a Canon Rebel instead of a NikonD50...SUCK IT.
+I can't wait to buy christmas gifts because..its honestly my favorite thing to do...and I like seeing peoples faces light up.

Anyway, I hope you guys have an awesome thanksgiving.
Eat up...but I need to start working out soon.

i promised a picture in my last entry, so I delivered. I know many of you don't remember or care, but I come through sometimes (on small unimportant matters that is.) I really enjoy my new job, and I get to interview people on the street and then I see it on TV, too bad I don't want to be a journalist anymore. I still want to mingle with celebrities though, who doesn't? See, how that had no cohesive thread whatsoever? That is how my mind feels like, a complete random assortment of thoughts with me having thought them, being their only commonality. That was me trying to sound smart, and I failed, horribly.

The other day on the walk home, we [kim, karis and i] spoke about the wonderful bliss that is ignorance. Knowledge just fucks everything up, you know? I'm sitting in my underwear, on a chair, with my laptop on my little bedside table..which is nowhere near my captain-twinsize bed. My room is a depressing shade of off-white/yellow, like the teeth of british men it resembles. That is the shade it reminds me of. What the fuck am I writing down....? typing down. It has an old AC unit that tries with all its might to cool the room down, which faces Henry St, and welcomes the sun every freaking morning, except when its raining, and I rejoice in my bed. I also have a desk, which is the breeding grounds for my countless amounts of newspapers, notebooks, pens, makeup, shotglasses,keys, camera, cds, febreeze, and herbert--my son and faithful piggy bank. There is no order to the madness just layers in which archological teams will study, or maybe just my RA will look at and cringe.

I live in a mostly made up world in my head, with my ipod on, Fergie/Beyonce/The Cardigans, whatever I'm feeling that morning blaring through my white earbud headphones, which lets everyone know, yup, I bought an iPod, none of that Creative Zen crap. Oh how I buy into Apple's global domination so well. Moving on, I get on a Manhattan-bound subway, pretending that my actions of that day, impact the whole world. I stare my fellow commuters, they stare at my flipflops. I love wearing flipflops and reccommend it to everyone, until it messes up your foot and back and then you'll just have to wear orthepedic shoes, but damn you will remember your good times with the flip flops. Yeah, good times, indeed.

I have a rough outline on how I want my life to go the next 10 years. All of them include me being some sort of mover and shaker, but why would someone imagine themselves as a homeless person, or in a rough patch in their lives...right? Just saying. I sometimes think about who will be the first one of my graduating high school class to make a name for themselves...most of them have the potential to be infamous...but don't we all?

This is nonsense. One thing I am happy about is Nancy Pelosi being Speaker of the House. She is 3rd in line, if I remember right from Government class, to the presidency. Way to go, Pelosi. I did a victory dance for you. I also want to see Borat, but I don't want to pay 10 bucks. :(

so i bought this tiny Nikon camera two weeks ago, and I dropped it and now the lens is fucked. i don't take care of my worldly possesions. thankfully, i did get insurance on it but I wonder if they will fix it. Oh Best Buy, please don't let me down.

i got a really cool job where I will be making Health & Living segments for the CW network and its affiliates. I'm going to be a production assistant and go on shoots and help with editing and uploading their website...and I get paid! I also picked up a babysitting gig for the cutest twins in Brooklyn Heights. So life is going pretty well right now.

I need to make more friends because this weekend, Kim went to Nantucket, Karis went home, Maggie is in extreme rehearsals and I was stuck by myself on a friday night. So, I should get my friend on soon. Although I did meet some nice drunk kids on the elevator we even had a laugh about the old people that live in our building.

This update is lame. I've been blogging for 6 years, so I know its lame and I will have an update that will restore your faith in me, but its not today. It will have clips, and pictures. Oh it will be lovely.

Until next time,
m.go

p.s. i detest school, still. its freaking pointless.

I've got 7 weeks of school left. Once done with, the fall semester will be over. finito and gone. I'm starting to think college is pretty pointless, but I go through with it because...well I don't even know why. This weekend was my comedy weekend and I went to the UCB Theatre and saw the most talented/clever group of people ever and their troupe was called Death by Roo-Roo. Karis and I are planning to go again next week. Also, there seems to be an influx of males and the ration has to be 4:1. Girls can be funny and charming and quick on their toes! Anyway, I really enjoyed myself and I think I might go on Monday as well.

I've been feeling rather nostalgic all week, and while watching the Office, they played Lovefool by the Cardigans. This song was on Jessie's 90s mix, and it would always make me laugh when it came up on the radio. I miss her, but I know that she is having a great time in columbus.

I don't know what I exactly want out of life but somethings missing, and its not that money that I have spent. Haha, although I got a refund from school and I've been living a bit more comfortably. I still eat out at restaurants too much so I think I might just invest some money for pans, so that I can cook on my own. Who am I kidding, I'll just eat whatever Kim makes. ..but I think it secretly makes her mad..so maybe i should get those pans.

I don't spend that much time in my room, it isn't even decorated. It sucks. I want my own apartment, and this whole sharing room thing is pretty depressing. I really want a cupcake and a job.

p.s. I saw Marie Antoinette this weekend, and it was amazing.

life is ok. i got new sneakers because i got extremely drunk on thursday and puked all over my beloved red shoes. i'm talking, lose control of your senses/blacking out/puking uncontrolably/ cursing at your friends/crying of being a failure/ waking up with chunks of cookie in your hair drunk. so i've given up on alcohol forever, or until i learn the definition of moderation. which i also need to apply to all facets of my life. i also want to spend more time with my family which i was so happy that i got to spend time with my grandmother today.


at 1pm, i picked up my grandmother from chuch and she told me she had been waiting for 15 minutes just incase i came early--it broke my heart because the night before i told her i didn't want to stay outside waiting and it was her who waited in the cold. i drove really fast running errands for a new cell phone i needed and she kept telling me to slow down. she is so tiny and huggable. i convinced her to have a photoshoot with me with my cell phone. she agreed. first we did smiling poses, but we look too cheesy. so i told her, "Grandma look angry!" and when I saw her angry face I couldn't keep it together. I just had a deep belly laugh after i took the photograph. I love her more than life itself, she's amazing. ALso, this picture makes it seem as if i have perfect teeth but i do not..they just look really nice..in that photograph! she also sat me down and asked me if what i am studying at school makes me happy. I told her that i'm too fickle to just be happy with one thing, then my grandma told me I have to be practical but also be open to ideas. she is so wise, you guys must be so bored.

my grandmother also told me that she found pictures of my mom's wedding, this is weird because i didn't think these exsisted.its weird to think of my parents together. they separated when i was 3, and divorced at 4. i know that they were happy when they were together so that makes me happy. people just change i guess, sometimes for the better-sometimes for the worst. i never thought i would enjoy new jersey but this weekend has been really perfect for me.

I bought a new book called SEW U: The Built By Wendy guide to making your own Wardrobe. I mean, I have a machine and I see a guy always sewing in the lobby of my friends building. Maybe we will become friends and start a fashion line!? Ok, probably not, but I think I might have an upcoming project for my winter break...other than eating cheap chipotle in ohio.